Tuesday, January 3, 2017


freeimages/victor maltby


I got on the scale this morning and it showed 253 pounds…

I am so disgusted with myself…

At my highest weight, in August 2008, I was 305 pounds. This was when I got married. I HATE my wedding picture. I didn’t buy a normal wedding dress, I ordered two dresses off the internet because I wasn’t sure which one would fit. I felt so ugly and fat. I tried after that. I lost a bunch of weight and got to about 260 pounds when I was 35 (in 2013). Then I gained it back and hit 280 pounds. So in January 2015, we decided to try Nutrisystem. I lost 71 pounds. I was 209 pounds at my lowest in November 2015. Then we stopped doing Nutrisystem. We said we could do it ourselves. We went to different diets and ways of eating. We tried Nutrisystem again. I gained almost all of it back. I can not believe this happened. If we had just stayed on Nutrisystem in November 2015, I would probably be at goal now. I am so disgusted.

Sometimes, I want to give up, just give in to the fact that I am fat. Food tastes good. I enjoy eating it. Diet food is boring and I hate being hungry. But then I think about not being healthy. I am going to be 40 years old in October of this year. I am so scared about that. I want to be a mother. I want to be a normal weight, not skinny, I have never wanted to be skinny, I just want to be healthy.

So we start over. We started Nutrisystem again on 1/2/2017. I will be walking and MOVING more. I need to do this. I have to do this. I want to do this.


Never again.


  1. Girl, I've been following you for awhile and I keep cheering you on when I get your emails! Weight loss is tough. It's so hard, but you are so much stronger! You've got this. Just keep going, keep moving, you can do it. :)

    1. Thank you Jaime! I am back on track, again... and will start updating again! Thanks again for stickin' with me!!