OMG

255.9

Oh. My. God! What the hell have I done. 

I got on the scale this morning because I am starting back on track today. It said 255.9 (which was better than a split second before when it said 257). I weighed 209 in November 2015. I have gained back almost 50 pounds in a year and a half. I want to throw up. 

But, we start again… I have to get healthier. I hurt all over. My back kills me all the time. I have no energy and don’t want to DO anything. I have stomach issues. I am done with this. We prepped meals this weekend and I will be counting calories and exercising (at least trying). 

If you could give me all the support you can spare I would appreciate it.

First (well, you know) Downsizing Me Log comes next week…

Stick around and check it out.

April 1 2017 - Let's Do This!!!

freeimages.com / Jesper Noer

OMG...

April 1^st…

Time goes so fast. I remember saying in October that I was going to get healthy before I turn 40 this October. That was almost 6 months ago…

And it has not gone well. I have gained back 40 pounds since losing all the weight in 2015 (NOT all in the last 6 months!!). I only have a few things that I can wear. I am tired all the time and I don’t want to do anything.

So, we start again. I am not starting over because I will NEVER get back to where I was when I started (305 pounds in 2008). I have 6 months to get as healthy as I can before I turn 40. I know that I can not get to goal in this time frame. I know it will not be perfect, but it will be a start.

I am starting a Health Journal, I have become obsessed with planners and the planning world so what better way to keep track of my health and fitness then to combine my desire to be healthier with my passion for planners! . I need to figure out what will work for me (and hubby) food-wise, exercise-wise and just life-wise. I will be going back to my weekly blog posts about my weight and food. I will be also including some posts on my Planner Life and the possibility of opening my own Sticker Store!!!!

Life goes on and moves at what seems like warp speed. But I would love for it to slow down, even just a little.

Stick around and join me!

Guess who's back... back again...and again...and again!!!

253...

freeimages/victor maltby

253…

I got on the scale this morning and it showed 253 pounds…

I am so disgusted with myself…

At my highest weight, in August 2008, I was 305 pounds. This was when I got married. I HATE my wedding picture. I didn’t buy a normal wedding dress, I ordered two dresses off the internet because I wasn’t sure which one would fit. I felt so ugly and fat. I tried after that. I lost a bunch of weight and got to about 260 pounds when I was 35 (in 2013). Then I gained it back and hit 280 pounds. So in January 2015, we decided to try Nutrisystem. I lost 71 pounds. I was 209 pounds at my lowest in November 2015. Then we stopped doing Nutrisystem. We said we could do it ourselves. We went to different diets and ways of eating. We tried Nutrisystem again. I gained almost all of it back. I can not believe this happened. If we had just stayed on Nutrisystem in November 2015, I would probably be at goal now. I am so disgusted.

Sometimes, I want to give up, just give in to the fact that I am fat. Food tastes good. I enjoy eating it. Diet food is boring and I hate being hungry. But then I think about not being healthy. I am going to be 40 years old in October of this year. I am so scared about that. I want to be a mother. I want to be a normal weight, not skinny, I have never wanted to be skinny, I just want to be healthy.

So we start over. We started Nutrisystem again on 1/2/2017. I will be walking and MOVING more. I need to do this. I have to do this. I want to do this.

253…

Never again.